🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist is a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.